


Just Choose

by Banshee_28804



Category: Avenger-Infinity War, Avengers, MCU, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Bucky is dead, Dunno where I'm going with this, F/M, Fluff, Happy Ending, Imma roll it out, Other, Reader is assasin, Sad, Steve Is Depressed, Wanted everyone to be able to read this, for the greater good, reader does die in the far future, reader has ptsd, steve rogers broke readers heart
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-28
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-07-24 18:15:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16180526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Banshee_28804/pseuds/Banshee_28804
Summary: First the breeze, then the fall and now... Now the suffering. Reality hits harder than a train but in the softest, most delicate way possible. What was left to lose now? What hope did they have after death had laughed in their faces? Tears didn't roll, cry's didn't echo- Only silence... It rang through the air where they once stood. It cut open wounds thought to have been healed, only deeper. Was this the end? Did they lose everything?





	1. Chapter 1

"What are you trying to say Y/N?"

 

" Look I understand Steve, this is hard but we can only get through this together. I know it hurts. You've lost him more than enough times to understand that he is your best friend but Steve this - this isn't the way to go." You said to him looking at Steve in the face whilst he looked down. Light seeped trough the door that had been swaying back and forth from the light wind that graced the land. ~~It seemed like the only thing that did~~. You did understand what Steve had lost- Bucky, but despite that Steve felt it was pity and this pity you had, well, was the thing he didn't like. For days after the horrid events Steve had been torturing himself non-stop; not sleeping, drinking, doing things that would actually fatally harm a human without the serum. You were scared, that if these activities carried on then he may end up killing himself and you didn't want that to happen.

 

From the beginning you had harboured a crush on the Captain, resulting in you both being the closest there could be, ~~without it being in a relationship of course, you didn't have the guts in telling him.~~ But after the  _petty_ argument him and tony had brewed he went into hiding resulting in you and him distancing. You didn't choose who you wanted to go with because you couldn't, it wasn't like you to fight your friends- your family. You had chosen to retire instead. They were all you had, after the downfall of HYDRA and SHIELD you had nowhere to go, you didn't know what life was. You, like the Black Widow, had been in a special training different from others and were tortured brutally. Upon meeting the Avengers you felt something you never had, never need to have... **Hope** and it felt good. Steve was someone you'd look up at, seeing the loyalty, leadership and bravery you wanted to show not only him but the rest how capable you really were, and you did. Until you slowly unfolded your past, seeing who killed your parents, who gave you to HYDRA, and what you were meant to be. You, out of the whole operation, had survived what they call the sanctioners. You brought hell upon peoples lives but not until that day did you feel so. Bucky was one of the only people who wanted to help you, except for Natasha because she was like your sister- He had become an even closer friend than Steve to this point, yet it was something Steve had not processed. You and Bucky didn't only help each other from the nightmares, you laughed, you smiled and you fought together just like everyone else did but Steve didn't want to take that into account. It killed you inside seeing what happened to Bucky, and to process that he wasn't the only one who had 'died' hurt even more. 

 

Bucky was your skin, always there. Steve was support, like your bones. He did care but he didn't know how to help. Your PTSD was something Steve didn't know how to handle but he did so anyways. And that was why you fell for the Captain in the first place. His heart was bigger than his shield. Now after the unfortunate events that occurred Steve had lost Bucky again and all hope to save the universe. You had never seen him like this. You hated what happened and blamed yourself for not going on for longer. You charged at Thanos, taking your sword and plunging it towards him, just about cutting the side of his right arm. You fought Thanos longer than most people could hold off yet he swatted you away like a fly. You had been unconscious until you woke to see Thanos rip the stone, which you tried so hard to protect, from Vision's head, Wanda next to him, then simultaneous Thor throwing his ax at Thanos until he disappeared into a storm cloud. It happened so fast that you couldn't process what was happening. You got up waling towards Vision and Wand only to see them disintegrate. You were shocked. Then you heard from behind you a weak call,  _Steve,_ and turned to see the owner of the voice. You instantly regretted it, watching Bucky fade into nothingness.  You don't remember what happened after but you woke up in a bed a day later finding out that you had been near to death. Something about that unsatisfied you. The thought that those many people had sacrificed their lives, those who fought, yet you still stood there even after everything. Steve didn't know what you were feeling, you had gotten good at hiding it. You hid the depression, the anxiety, the trauma from everyone-  ~~as if you did experience enough of it before.~~  Your thoughts were brought back by Steve finally replying to your comment,this time with a bit of force- it was obvious he was getting tired of this conversation.

 

" Look Y/N you don't understand what just happened. Whatever you felt was just out of shock, you didn't really feel anything. Nobody knows what I feel. Not even you." Your face had dropped when you heard what Steve had just said.  _You don't understand..._   Outraged you snarled back,

 

" Actually I think it is YOU who doesn't understand Steve! I've been really patient with you over the last couple of days but you don't know how I feel right now. Its all about YOU. You don't think Bucky was my friend, that Sam, T'challa, Wanda, vision weren't my friend. They were Steve and they still are. Why in the world would you think that I, _out of all people_ , won't understand this." You started waving your hands, motioning the events. At this point you were sure the rest of the people were grouped up outside the door, listening in on what was being said. Your voice echoed through the room, bringing silence on a higher key. You could see that Steve had heared and seen enough and you were ready for what outlash he was to bring - ~~but nothing could have prepared you for this~~...

 

"Because your an assassin Y/N. You've killed more innocent people than you saw die then...This was nothing new. You have done worse. They really weren't your friends, they just pitied you. And plus you wouldn't know how it feels to lose someone. You dont have a fami-"

 

"CHOOSE YOUR NEXT WORDS WISELY ROGERS!" At this point you were the one lashing out on him. How dare he say that to you. Never in your wildest dreams would you have thought- out of all the people- You would've heard something that  _bitter_ come out of Steve's mouth.

 

"Is that a  **threat**?" At this point you had enough. You were so hurt- but you didn't show it, you never would even if it killed you.

 

"It's a warning Rogers, Keep that in mind when you speak to me." You never called Steve 'Rogers' before -Captain or Steve was it. But you couldn't deal with this. You tried so hard to let him be comfortable, even though you were dying inside, drowning in your own guilt and sorrow. As if something hit him really hard, he noticed the change in tone and vocabulary. His eyes softened when he began to talk,

 

" Y/N I'm s-"

  
"No Rogers. I don't want to hear it. You've said enough so now it's my turn." You stuck out your hand in front of you to signal him stop his speech. He didn't dare speak after that. If there was someone other than Natasha, it was you who everyone was scared of so they didn't try to get on your bad side. " Leave your apologies for Stark whenever he get back from what hell he's lying in. I want you to answer something for me... Did you even think about what  **I** was going through? The answer is NO Steve, you didn't. But I did. So just  _choose_. Choose what you want and what you don't want. It's clear you dont want me so I'll cast myself out later. I am sorry Steve, I can't do this anymore. I am going to do everything I can to bring them back then I am gone. FOREVER. I'm sorry I couldn't be what you wanted me to be..." You looked him in the eye, for the last time you knew, and walked towards the door. You heard a faint whisper from behind but chose to ignore it then waled out as if there was nothing there, nothing mattered anymore.

 

Inside, a tear rolled down Steve's cheek and he whispered as you walked out of the door,

 

" You were everything and more..."

 

 


	2. What Choice?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After everything, could they?

Natasha came running into the room seconds after Y/N left. She heard too much of that heated conversation and honestly she didn't know what to do. The second she stepped into the room, she saw him. Not Captain America. No. She saw someone that died in the ice 70 years ago. Steve Rogers. Tears. She'd never seen him cry. Only after the tears have been cried, then did he show himself, otherwise he'd always be what the world wanted him to be. A hero.

 

"Steve." She almost cringed at her voice. Seeing him like this brought tears to her eyes, her voice like a whimper.

 

"I lost her." What does he mean? "She was always there when something wrong happened. When I found Bucky she never stopped me. Supported me actually, quite the opposite. Then the accords. She couldn't choose. She was never like that. Yet she followed me, after me somewhat blackmailing her. She turned into an international criminal because of me. I made her choose from her family. And even after, when Tony found out, she didn't hesitate to hit him to let us win. She didn't know Buck then, yet she stayed, fought what she takes to be her best friend. And I didn't even know what she was going through. Once, Nat. Once only, have I ever seen her true self cutting through and it was only a spec. She told me to leave and I didn't even look back, not once. And now, I blamed her allegiance, her loyalty. I blamed her for leaving, but she only stayed with Tony because she knew he'd be alone and that he'd eat himself up for all of this, that I had someone I could trust. She was too good for me Nat. I ruined her."

 

"As much I'd love to see you crying over your sorry ass, you're not that powerful. I've seen her. Although she dn't show much, she is strong and it's not only for you but for everyone. She left this room and she didn't change. Just because you don't trust her Steve doesn't mean she is gonna let her facade drop. She's trained to be emotionless and then we got her. She changed, yeah, but she is not her. And as far as questioning her, yep you screwed yourself over with that. Bucky was the closest person she had to understanding what happened to her. And I couldn't help Bucky the same way she did. If Bucky is your friend now, it's because of her." She looked at Steve sternly. Saying she was pissed was an understatement. She knew Y/N. Never had she been the one to confess but she had been through hell and back, but for some weird reason she'd never show it. Not even Wanda could get into her mind. God know what HYDRA did to her. " And, Steve, don't give yourself that much credit. She chose you because she knew you were right. And Bucky meant the world to you, she'd never let anyone get to him. Do you know how _much_ she blames herself for this. Last night, all I could hear from her room was murmurs, but she was crying, probably, I don't know. But she repeatedly saying that only if she would've gone a little longer, did a bit more... What did you do for her? Hu, Steve answer me no-"

 

"I love her." That shut Natasha's mouth up. 

 

"Really?" She raised an eyebrow at Steve. He was **impossible**.

 

"I choose her." She didn't really know how to react to that. After all that bull**** he put up in front of Y/N, he's now confessing. 

 

"What choice Steve? You clearly just rejected her and then humiliated her with everything she didn't do. I don't think the offer stands anymore. His eyes lift up from the fground to meet Nats. Sadness ran throught them and left through the still streaming tears. 

 

"I lost her."

 

" Not completely." She didn't miss the sudden shimmer in his eyes. "You can start over again. It'll take a long time though. And not to say we need to get everyone back. The shit thats been happening isn't easy on anyone."

 

"I'll do it. She deserves better."


End file.
